Equal Partnership

What do you think of when you hear the word "equality?" If you're anything like me, your thoughts may turn to the many fights put up by people (both in the past and the present) to obtain equality. You may also think that to be "equal" with someone, you must be the same as them. The truth is, equality is so different and so much more than that, especially when you are talking about equality in marriage.

The words "equal" and "identical" really cannot be used interchangeably in the marriage relationship. The proclamation teaches us that gender is "an essential characteristic of individual premortal, mortal, and eternal identity and purpose" (source). This means that our genders are at least one way we differed in the premortal life and will continue to be a way that we will differ in the eternities. Although we differ in genders, there is no hierarchy between men and women. One is not better than the other, but they are to work together to provide the perfect situation for rearing children.

Elder Earl C. Tingey taught us:

"You must not misunderstand what the Lord meant 

when Adam was told he was to have a helpmeet. 

A helpmeet is a companion suited to or equal to us. 

We walk side by side with a helpmeet, not one before or behind the other. 

A helpmeet results in an absolute equal partnership between a husband and a wife. 

Eve was to be equal to Adam as a husband and wife are equal to each other."

(source)

So basically, what I'm getting at is that men and women are meant to be equal. Their roles and responsibilities may differ, but their importance in the Lord's plan is equal and they should always view the other as equal to them. To clarify: Men - you are not more important than women. Women - you are no more important than men. You are both supposed to work together. Get it? Make sense? Thought so.

Assessing Equal Partnership

Once we can recognize the importance of equality in marriage, it is helpful for us to be able to assess the balance of power in relationships. This is done through something called power processes and power outcomes.

Power processes are "the patterns of interaction among couples, the communication techniques that they use with each other when they are discussing decisions to be made" whereas power outcomes "refer to which spouse typically makes the final decision when there are differing opinions between the spouses" (Hudson & Miller, 2012). Use the following chart to assess the power in your relationship.

You will notice that the statements contained in this chart are all assessing the spouse's behavior. This is because people tend to give more honest answers when evaluating someone else's behavior, rather than their own. Funny how that works, huh? We're often so quick to notice when someone does something wrong, but we barely notice our own faults. Remember Matthew 7:3 that says "Why beholdest thou the mote that is in thy brother's eye, but considerest not the beam that is in thine own eye?" Yeah, don't do that. If there are problems in your marriage, maybe look at yourself before looking at your spouse.

Moving on...

Agreeing to the statements above suggests an unequal relationship, while disagreeing with them indicates an equal partnership. 

As you read through these statements, what did you discover about your relationship? Is one partner more in charge than the other? Or do you have an equal partnership together?

In an equal partnership, spouses discuss issues until they both agree on a decision. In an unequal partnership, one partner tends to have the final say and is able to make decisions without the consideration of the other person. 

Elder Richard G. Scott said:

"The family proclamation states that a husband and wife should be equal partners... 

Many [couples] practice equal partnership with their companion 

to the benefit of both and the blessing of their children. 

However, many do not. 

I encourage any man [or woman] who is reluctant 

to develop an equal partnership with [their spouse] 

to obey the counsel inspired by the Lord and do it. 

Equal partnership yields its greatest benefit 

when both husband and wife seek the will of the Lord 

in making important decisions for themselves and for their family."

(source)

In Conclusion

Our Heavenly Father wants us to have joy in this life. How cool is that? We have a Heavenly Father who loves each and every one of us and wants us to be happy throughout our lives. One of the things He has given us to help us find joy is equal partnership between husband and wife. 

"The family proclamation's exhortation to equal partnership in marriage 

does not mean that husband and wife are identical, 

but it does mean that in a very real and meaningful sense 

they must stand as equals before each other to find the joy that is their heritage in marriage. 

For Latter-day Saints, equal partnership in marriage is a commandment, 

not an alternative lifestyle. 

The reason is simple: men and women are that they might have joy!" (Hudson & Miller, 2012). 

References:

Hudson, V. M. & Miller, R. B. (2012). Equal partnership between men and women in families. Successful marriages and families: Proclamation principles and research perspectives, 38-45.